Falling in love

Having a baby, I’ve discovered, is a lot like falling in love. Other parents told me about the intense love you feel for your children, but I couldn’t imagine it. Until now. Now, I miss Raphaela when I’m not with her. I think of her constantly. I imagine what she’s doing just at that moment. I long for her in the way that a soul longs for a missing piece of itself.

 

She doesn’t have to do anything beyond eating and sleeping (and since she’s fed by a tube so she can do both at the same time). She simply has to be. On those brief occasions when she opens her eyes I marvel.

 

When I first saw her in the incubator, I was struck by how alien she seemed, a tiny sea creature in another world. Her fingers waved like tentacles in an aquarium. Now she is more like a person. She is still very small but she’s growing into herself. Already she is 1.47kg and over 40cm – a big change from the 26cm she measured at birth.

 

I can’t wait to see what she becomes, and I am going to love watching her as she grows.

 

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2 thoughts on “Falling in love

  1. I can so relate! I find parenting is full of surprising paradoxes, like I have never been this physically tired in my life but I have also never felt this alive. I’ve never been this happy but have also never felt this afraid. Time flies with kids but it also doesn’t. The exhilaration, the exhaustion, the love, the frustration, the peace, the boredom, the fulfilment, the guilt, the joy, the isolation, the laughter, the loneliness etc etc … the list of these strange contradicting feelings goes on and on. It is an awesome adventure. I have always enjoyed your writing and I am looking forward to reading your insights on parenting. All the best! Love Julie

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